My November Tweets
- A message I just found from a Web ring I applied to ages ago (denying me): “Your foul language is atrocious.”
- Why, as an atheist, do I find other atheists so repugnant? They all seem to enjoy Important Americans Michael Moore and Bill Maher.
- <biting, hateful sarcasm>People are awesome! Up with people!</biting, hateful sarcasm>
- Dead People the World Misses Most Achingly: Sinatra; Sagan; Cousteau; Ray Kroc; the laff-maker Chris Farley. Kings, now gone.
- Still waiting for that harlot Gwyneth Paltrow to e-mail me her GOOP newsletter.
- Magic balls to make your bottom coo. LINK
- My Korean grocer engages in predatory pricing. He knows I’m the only one who buys sugar-free energy drinks. And he will mark the price up.
- I’m interested in seeing Levi Johnston bludgeoned by genetically engineered mutant cyclops creatures.
- The employees at the Portland Expo Center are cross-eyed, snagle-toothed ghouls; unfriendly and unhelpful to the point of idiocy.
- Oprah‘s announcement to leave the airwaves has brought me to the threshold of uncontrollable sobbing.
- I don’t get why national publications love writing about Portland food carts. Last time I checked, other big cities had food carts too.
- Funniest image of the night: fat-faced parrot man Perez Hilton bobbing his head to Jay Z and Alicia Keys at the American Music Awards.
- Feel like I’ve been a shitty human being lately. Writing LinkedIn.com recommendations to assuage the guilt. The guilt! It chafes me.
- Mocha Coma Man, please start a coffee stand with me. We can make mad cash if we set up next to Portland’s QUIRKY FOOD CARTS!
- This Thanksgiving, I will be thankful to anyone who refrains from posting William S. Burroughs‘ transgressive Thanksgiving prayer. Thanks!
- Thinking about writing a love story about a Mexican Bear and a Gringo Bear.
- Why doesn’t SOUTH PARK film “on-location” ala COPS? They’ve got a target-rich environment here in Portland.
- I misread a “How to Avoid Black Friday” news headline as “How to Avoid Blacks on Friday.” My dyslexic tendencies are racist, damn them.
- I can say with great certainty that I will never attend an event as anti-climactic as the lighting of the downtown Portland X-Mas tree.
- Is there any greater torture device in this world than a sterile, adult contemporary smoothjazz band? LIVE, at that?
- I got to test-drive the new microbead, exfoliating soap that I purchased at Walmart today.
- I hate the term “epic fail” or the over-used blog phrase “The stupid! It burns!” Ha-ha! How droll and full of wit!
