I’m off to the high desert badlands for a few days to contemplate life among the pronghorn and coyotes.

Lest any burglars want to break into my Fortress of Ennoblement, let it be known that the palace is being guarded by a dog that bites and a house-sitter so intrepid that he once incurred the wrath of Christopher Hitchens in a public setting. (It’s true. Hitch lashed out at my house-sitter in a crowded theater one night, using words that only Hitchens uses e.g. prevaricative, splenetic, etc.)

Anyway, I’m excited, because when I get back, I’ll be publishing a guest post from one of my favorite authors.

Coming soon…

____________________________________________________________________

• 1975, J.P. Donleavy: “Isolation is a necessity, also an acute loneliness and a sense of slight rejection.”
• A crazy world of crotchet
• Build a robotic xylophone
• David Lynch discusses music projects
• “God and Germs Are Everywhere“
• Eight great Antarctic explorers
• Factory farms infographic
• “Fuck Yeah Marxism-Leninism“…?…?
• Helen Thomas still hates the Jews
• Houdini Fly inflates head and breaks walls
• Marvel Comics’ long history of embarrassing itself on stage in New York
• Mercury poisoning makes boy birds gay
• Mutilated corpse falls from the heavens
• Portland coyotes are everywhere
• Prisoner fashion timeline
• Richard Dawkins: “Christopher Hitchens, my hero of 2010.”
• “Processions, Night and Fire“
• Snake fang evolution
• Simply Red vocalist issues apology to the all ho’s he banged
• Submit your finest lesbian romance stories here
• Superman vs. Muhammad Ali
• The 50 states, depicted as food
• The eternal question: Why did kamikazes wear helmets?
• The Insanity Virus
• The site Real-Life Superheroes supplies a handy list of Taser and stun gun laws
• When women are most fertile, they avoid contact with their dads

Recently a woman here in Portland ridiculed me for living near Gresham, a suburb that Portland’s indie-alpha culture finds repugnant.

“Why do you live there? she asked. “Is it because of the close proximity to all the great cuisine and culture?”

Or something. She thought she was being smarmy-yet-cute. But unbeknownst to her, the former greatly diminishes the latter.

So I told her:

GIRL…

The Ham of Gresh is made of stern stuff, it is the most purely triplicate articulation of the Godhead anywhere.

Like you, I am a mere commoner of Southeast Portland. But unlike you, I live scant blocks from the hamlet of Gresh.

I like misunderstood places.

I like coal piles.

I like coyotes, I like scorched engine oil.

I like places where the snow gets dirty.

I like places far removed from emergency renewable energy fairs, yoga parlors, Sleater-Kinney, bike shops, microbreweries and C.h.u.n.k. 666 Tweet-ups.

I like unpopular places.

I like the face-smacking winds of the Columbia River Gorge. I like Kevlar-bottom boats I can smash around the Sandy River with. I like places where ultimate fighting trumps roller derby as the key fringe sport of interest.

I like places that force themselves on the landscape.

I like blight.

I like whatever urban planners hate.

I like vacant lots.

I like wide-open places.

I like places where elk hunters outnumber pansexual dilettantes 100-1.

I like places with grease, gunfire and burning tires.

I like Gresham.